How?

How do you act like the same person you were when youre not. Even things that used to make me smile dont right now. I want to say the sadness comes in waves but it doesn't. It just is worse at some times more than others. I hope that I can have a good time tonight and not drag everyone down by my mellowness. I havent even washed the clothes yet that I wore the day that I found out. Isnt that sad. Not on purpose but still. I love you baby jacobs. wish i could give you a name but nothing is popping out at me that i want to call you forever.