Life

Its not fair that life keeps going. I know that it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes I smile and laugh, but then I remember. I remember that my baby is not with me anymore and I feel my world crumbling to the ground. Its hard to talk about. Will my friends soon forget the life that was never born. I can't even give my baby a birthday. Who knows when s/he stopped living. There is no memorial, burial, grave site to visit each year. Just a spot in my heart that will never be the same. Today at work, I kept a straight face. I took care of my patients and went along my business but its hard not to burst into tears when someone just walks up to you and wraps you in a big embrace. At least its comforting to know that they care or at least offer the gesture. I am afraid that even my husband won't understand, people grieve and heal in such different ways and at such different paces. I don't want to be left behind alone but I want him to be at peace. Its so hard, and we are so young and we know that we will try again. But I will never forget the summer of 2010 when I found out that I was pregnant with my first child. It was the most amazing moment of my life. I love you Baby Jacobs, forever and always with everything....

-Mommy