Sad

So everyday gets easier and then I have a day like today where I feel like I am just going backwards. Nothing in particular triggered my sadness except maybe that I realized that it hasnt even been two whole months that I had surgery for losing the baby. I mean there were alot of really crazy things going on this week. My parents went to FL to see my great grandmother who isnt doing so hot. They put her on hospice this week, makes me really sad that I decided to sleep in instead of going to lunch/dinner with her this vacation. I figured I was pregnant so I was aloud to be tired and come to find out it was probably the last chance I was going to get to see her. =( So thats sad, and then while they were out of town I was helping keep an eye on the kids and Josh had an incident with Kate and he is a very emotionally unstable young man. Kind of emo I guess is how I would describe him and I know that he is sincere in his emotions but I cant really do anything but listen to him and hope that its enough. Then this shit happened today with my car and maybe thats what got my emotional ball rolling because this lady was outrageous. How can she be mad at me for being upset about HER hitting MY car!?!?!?

Then another thing is John. I miss him of course and the date is getting closer and closer to when Danielle is leaving. Kristen is in school, Brad is in school its like I have no one to hang out with. And it makes me really sad when I send John emails so frequently and I have not ONE time gotten anything back. He is a journalist, he cant shoot a quick email to one of his good friends? Boo. I am only giving him half a break because I know he is busy getting set up with his new job. I just want to know all the small silly things that happen and I guess I was right when I said they would go away. Sure he texts me, but its always me starting it and I dont really get anything from him. Im used to talking to him a lot about everything and now I dont and its only been a few weeks. I knew this would happen I guess that even knowing cant stop me from being sad about it.

Back to baby. The time is getting closer to when we can start trying again and Im not sure if Im ready yet. I mean like I said earlier its not even been two months yet since surgery and just a little over two months since I found out we lost the baby. Am I ready to be pregnant again? Who knows I guess God will decide. I am giving it over to You big guy. Anyways Summer I LOVE YOU and miss you alot lately. Well always really. But I thought of you a lot today.


xoxoxoxo
Mommy